Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Yesterday, I had a MSN conversation with a good buddy about 'meeting new people'. It started when I was mentioning that 'we have to make new friends again when a new year starts for us'.

It's fun making new friends, and know more people. But honestly deep in me, I kind of dislike it and always have the fear of meeting new people, because I will worried whether I could know anyone that I can clique with. I know for myself the place LASALLE is, the kind of people who study in this black cubic school, are mostly the 'eat potato' type of people. It sounds stereotype thinking. But really, MOST of them are.

I'm always lucky to have at least a person who I already know before a new semester in a school starts.

In polytechnic, I had Hui Nee to accompany me through orientation and everything. And yea, we were in same course and class.

In LASALLE, I had Hui Ping during the orientation and then we mixed together with the others. And again, she happened to be in same class as me for Foundation year.

Sometimes I wonder, if those days, these two girls were not in the same school/course as me. I wonder, will I still be able to mix with some of the people around me. And will I be a loner actually. Everything seems to be linked.

I see people around me, at the same age as me (or about), is mixing with many people. Making new friends, meeting new people, talking to almost everyone. I always think, what's the ability or characteristic in them that allow them to go interacting with people, and it's seem easy. But when I try, it just seems hard for me. I don't know what to say to the other party. I don't know how to get involve in their conversation. I don't know how to start a conversation.

I'm wondering, perhaps there's a problem with my EQ. My social skills are not up to standard at all.

I agree not everyone can mix with everyone/anyone. There's bound to be a group of people of a certain characteristic that each of everyone don't like to mix.

I shall be honest for myself, that I don't seems to mix with people who are very 'westernized-influenced'. It sounds vague but friends who know me well, should be able to understand it, I believe.

I'm 100% introvert by nature. Friends who knew me since Secondary school, would have seen the quiet side of me. I'm not like some classmates who can just make noise and entertainment people and enjoy themselves. To be honest, I hope I'm like one of those classmates, where you can just express yourself without minding how people will look at you.

I can't. I don't dare to express out in front of strangers. Only close friends. Unless it's in the situation where I feel that I should really let go of myself. Then I will do it and start being crazy. Otherwise, no.
Polytechnic life was the only 3 years that I was more ra-ra because I joined school activities. Yet again, the ra-ra didn't last. To think about it, I feel that I'm just trying hard to be ra-ra. I just trying to be one because people around are and they influenced me. It was damn obvious that during the I-guides sub committee training, I totally can't hyper up as a facilitator. I try but nothing push me. I'm trying very hard I think people can see.

I don't know. I think it's just me. It's a nature planted inside me and it's very hard to remove. I feel that this plant will be a burden for me especially I need to expand my social network as a route to be a designer. Otherwise, I think I will just face a dead end. Design communication is what I want to do. It requires communication between people using design yet I can't even tackle the communication problem for myself. How contradicting.