Thursday, May 24, 2007

The sudden closure of UNSW had put me into deep thoughts.
Thoughts of my future.

Yesterday and Today, I had been thinking much about myself and what I had been doing.

I began to doubt about my future. With such a grade, I wonder where I can go, especially after being in the SIP company, I looked at everyone working in there, and I just had the sudden feeling of being uncertain about myself. What am I going to be?
I told Vijay during lunch yesterday, Time flies very fast. 2 years ago, we were only Year 1, now we are having our attachment and will soon graduate next year April. Things are moving so fast till it become so scary. Very soon, I will be in workforce.
I re-capped about what I said. I feel so fearful to face the world now. I don't even know what's ahead of me. Future lies in your hand- that's what people always say. However, I don't have a direction of my future. I feel so...lost, so stuck.

Recently, I attended a job interview workshop. I needed to introduce myself, talking about hobbies, STRENGTHS/SKILLS etc. When came that part, I said, 'I haven't discover my strength/skills yet'. Now I'm thinking, what I'm actually good in? I have no idea what's my strengths at all. I'm neither good in arts nor sports. I always want to learn some muscial instruments like drums, guitars etc. But till now, I don't see myself to learn anything.

What is my goal? I don't know. What I want to be? I don't know as well.

Sometimes I think, is Food Technologist meant for me? Or I'm just trying to make myself to be in Food technology area. Not saying I'm regret to be in this course. Learning new knowledge is nothing to be regret. I just regret my actions, for not putting in effort.
Likewise, I'm also thinking if I'm putting in effort in my SIP. Thinking about it, I wondered what have I learnt? Have I apply anything I learnt in school? I can't help but to feel that, I didn't make much opportunity to learn more. I only make cuttlefish balls, doing some researches which I always can't find.

SOmetimes I feel that I'm so aimless, for 19 years.

I feel so exhausted. Seriously. Really hope that everything can just come to an end right now, and I'm able to know the answer to my future.