Sunday, October 02, 2005

Damn it! Damn it! Let me vent out my frustration here! Apologise if I'm not talking sense here!!

Ok. ARGHH! I am damn damn angry with my mother! What she wants?!! Always yell and nag! It's IRRITATING! Especially every morning she will nag or YELL at me to wake me up! sometimes 8am she already want me to be wake. But i refused and sleep till 9am. SOmetimes almost 9.30am. And she will come YELLING at me!

What man! She will say that 'always sleep so late and end up do nothing much'. Ok

I really can't tarhan! It's my own life. My own way of doing my things. Just 3 words. It's MY LIFE! MY human clock set off at 9.30am. Only around 9.30am I WILL HAVE THE ENERGY TO FUNCTION!

Can't you just let me do what I want? I'm old enough. I know what to do! I wake up late, do nothing much, is my own problem. I had my breakfast late. IS MY OWN PROBLEM! Even if I have to take my breakfast and lunch together, IT IS STILL MY OWN PROBLEM! Maybe you care for my health or whatever, but, just let me decide what I want to do! It wouldn't help if you keep wanting me to be like that! GET IT?

ARgh. I don't understand why everything I do, you must be happy then you can so called approve it. To me, it's ok to sleep till 9.30am or beyond that. But you are not happy about it. Then MUST I FOLLOW AND LISTEN TO YOU ALL THE TIME?? Can't YOU JUST LET ME DO WHAT I WANT! It is just a minor problem, and yet, I have to listen to you FOR EVERY SINGLE THING? What the hell!

I'm 17 years now. 3 more years before I reach 20. Even when I'm 20, do you still have to nag at me every morning to wake me up at 8.30am or even 8am? If i want to wake up late, just let me be! You happy, I also happy! Why make it so difficult for both..no, everyone in the family!? My dad keep scolding not to make my mum angry, not to make her yell every morning. He himself also feel very irritated. THEN YOU TOLD HER NOT TO WAKE ME UP SO EARLY!

To her, 8am is consider at late. 9am is VERY LATE. What about those who sleep till 10am or even later? She is an early bird. BUt doesn't mean, EVERYONE MUST BE LIKE HER!

Even if I wake up early, I would end up sleeping in the sofa or I would just stare at the wall blankly and do nothing. And only at 11am I would start to do my things. Isn't it the same!?

I'm so pissed off. She told that it's going to reach 10am. And I merely just say '10am then 10am lor'. AND..SHE JUST BECOME SO FURIOUS! SAy that, I always play computer, sleep late, wake up late, and everytime she helps me to prepare everything nice nice for me. Breakfast I do it myself. Lunch for course you have to cook. What else!?
MY life is like that
-wake up at 9.30am
-play computer
-revision
-watch tv
-sleep late

I BELIEVE ALMOST EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT! LIFE IS JUST LIKE THAT!

I don't know. She may be refering that she always pour water nicely in front of me, and give me drink. WELL, SHE CAN DOn'T DO IT! Just let me do!. Ya. I know what she will say. 'If I never pour for you, will you go and drink water yourself? Everytime I must call you or nag at you then you will do it.' SO WHAT! JUST IGNORE ME AND LET ME DO IT MYSELF!

ARGGGGHHH. Ok. You guys might think I'm so spoil bratz. I don't know. Maybe from young, she used to do thing NICELY for me. BUT I'M OLDER NOw. JUST LET ME DO IT MYSELF AND LEt me DECIDE MINOR PROB MYSELf.

Is it very difficult to let me be a litte bit more Independant!?

I really feel like telling this to you. But end up, you WILL SCOLD ME AND MY DAD WILL BLAME FOR MAKING YOU ANGRY! Ok

I'm ALWAYS AT FAULT! I'M WORST THAN A DOG. I KNOW! A DOG IS at least LOYAL to the owner and can help to keep the house safe. But I can't. Since you like to compare me to a dog, WHY DON'T YOU GO AND OWN A DOG! WHY OWN ME?

LIFE SUCKS

Everyday always get scolding. Everyday I worry about my heart. Every morning i look at my fingers for any changes, like become purplish. Everytime I place my hand on my chest to feel my hearbeat. What's the point. Everytime worry about this and that.

Sometimes I feel like, 'can't I just die?' BUT. No I have many wishes haven't fulfill. Even I die, also not peaceful. So, not Die. Only ALIVE. But don't want to be alive and suffer, like that worst than die. HAHAH
Just keep praying that I will be alright. Haiz.