Wednesday, August 18, 2004
I want to shout it out loud!!! i want...WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR??? ARE THEY SUPPOSE TO BRING MISERY OR JOY!!??
i'm getting sick and tired of this. i'm getting real regret and upset about them. are they friends? are they really friends to me?
hui nee told me today that tried not to tok to xl too much as somehow, she may not like it. she even asked if i'm have notice. yes, i got. that's y i replied. i asked her if xl dislikes me. hui nee told mi that it was not dislike, but juz that our characters are different and somehow we dun click. great, finally hui nee said this.
the moment i heard that....my heark was just....just...very upset. the words 'regrets and hatred' filled in my mind. a few days before, both mi and xl were ok. juz lyk normal friends. but i dunno wat's wrong with her nowadays. she change. she really changed. i'm sorry to say that hui nee also. their attitude towards me have totally change.
what are true friends suppose to do when their friends had bad points? tell them and try to help their friend to change the bad habit. am i right? yes. true friends are suppose to be like that. only true friends are bother to remind their friends about their bad habits. but, i now wonder..are hui nee and xl really my TRUE friends? if yes, why they or rather, hui nee, did want to tell me what xl is unhappy about me? it is funny. someone is unhappy about me, but i dunno (from last month till now) what is the cause of her unhappiness about me. hui nee said she lyk that. sometimes 'bu shuang' about others. hn also said sometimes xl also did this to her. ya, so wat? but did xl's bu shuang about hn 'last' for long?? as long as almost 1 month?? the answer is NO! but me...one month...althought there were a few weeks we have 'happy' times together, but i believe deep in her heart, she is still unhappy with me. otherwise, why is hui nee telling me 'try not to tok to xl too much'?
i began to feel that they dun treat really lyk friends. sorry to say this. i noe that what i say is unfair to hui nee. but their actions really make mi think so. their actions make me feel that, they treated as normal friends. juz normal friends. not close friends. you guys must think that i'm over-sensitive or what. however, it's very obvious to see the great different. the way they behaved towards me last time and now. a big great difference.
monday, i was totally upset with them. i was feeling real hurt. monday, i wasn't feeling well in the morning. so i went back to class b4 assembly. at that time when i went to class, hn they all still haven't come yet. i went to toilet, coz i felt lyk vomitting. after that, i went back to class. hn they all were there. they dun seem to notice my existence. they were just busy in their own conversation. i was looking so sickly. if this happen last time, i believe that hui nee would say 'hi' to me. if she saw me look so sickly, i believe she would asked me what happen. but this time, no one cares. never mind, maybe they really never saw me. but, when it's time to go to the hall for assembly. all of them just leave the classroom without seeing me. i felt that i was transparent. they can't see me. i was really very hurt at that time. they were behaving very different from last time. they ain't like that last time. so, why are they now?
i wrote a letter to ileana. she told that if xl still continue to behave this way, then it's really no point to be friends. haiz. i dun want to care le. she dun lyk me, i can't be bother. but i want to find out what she's unhappy with me. i want to know. and also if she dislike me, and IF she go around telling people about bad stuffs about me, well, i would forgive her. but i believe she wouldn't.
she dun want to give me chocolate stick to eat. never mind, teresa gave me eat her chocolate. at that moment, i was thinking. well, in this world, there isn't just one chocolate stick. there are many. if i can't have this chocolate stick, i can have others. just like friends. this person dun like me. never mind, i have other friends.